I don't wear a wristwatch. Who does?

I was shaving this morning when another reason I don't wear a watch struck me. I am surrounded by clocks. Aren't you? The clock I saw in the bathroom mirror is set eleven minutes ahead, it indicates the time it will be when, if you left now, you'd get to the A train platform.


The clock at my bedside differs from the one by my wife's bedside by a minute or two, hers is seven minutes fast, mine is eight. The clock on the microwave, directly across from the clock on the stove, is two minutes faster than the stove clock which is five minutes fast. The clock on the desk is three minutes fast. The clock on the computer is slow by ten minutes or so and has never been within five minutes of being accurate. I forgot to wind Pop's clock on the bookcase last night so it is silent and been so for several hours. It keeps good time but I set it ahead a minute or two to prevent the chimes from drowning out the opening lines of the programs we watch.

Which brings me to the televisions which, with the advent of cable, have become the chronometers of our lives. Whenever we need to know immediately, exactly and precisely what time it is --- How many minutes till the car service comes ?--- We are meeting them at 7:30, how much time have we got?----They cut off delivery at eleven, what time is it?---- we look to the television cable box clocks for to be in real time.

God love'em, they automatically change at Daylight Savings Time while I have to endure a long session of beeps and clicks to get every other clock in the house in sync with the universe, or at least with the Eastern Seaboard of the USA.


Something else just occurred to me. How come it is that I am fooled every single day by all the clocks that are telling me I have less time then I really do? Really. Almost daily, after rising, looking at my bedside clock to start my day, I go shave and see the bathroom-subway time indicator, yelp, then zoom into the kitchen, glancing at the microwave while I grind the coffee and zap a bagel. Almost without exception, when I walk into the living room to punch up the Weather Channel, I am relieved to see how early I am. Just how thick am I?