How Diet Coke makes me feel about myself.

I got the usual email from the Harris Poll folks. They wanted to know about me and soft drinks. So I filled out their survey about what I drank and how much and when - Drank coffee between breakfast and lunch, drank a canned Diet Coke between lunch and dinner- pages of places to put checkmarks and numbers. They had the longest list of drinks, things I had completely forgotten about - Fanta- and products that I've never heard of - Coca Cola C2 something that a website called Carbwire tells us is a lower calorie, better tasting Coke.

Plowing through the pages of asking where I had seen or heard of any ads for any of the thirty soft drinks listed along with more pages for bottled water and bottled tea and bottled juice and bottled juicelike tealike liquids, I became aware of one thing: I am not very observant of ads. They wanted to know if I could recall any ads in the last thirty days. I could think of two- I know that must be a disappointing total to the Madison Ave purveyors of such things-- a radio ad for Mountain Dew wherein the listener is advised to drink it instead of coffee. It's very funny. And that ad where they pour the Coke over the ice cream and has the tagline "You had a good run, Rootbeer. " I love the bubbles. Btw here is a site about Mountain Dew for those obsessed with it. Odd.

Speaking of odd which is what this is about: they wanted to know How Diet Coke make me feel about myself. Hmmm. Do people have this kind of relationship with a can of cold carbonated sugar water? I looked at the choices which were like:" Much better, better, no change, slightly negative, highly negative" and thought "Are there people out there walking over to the bodega to get a Coke who then feel bad about themselves? I put in a lot of "No Change"s as my choice.

It's different with Martinis. Last night we went to dinner and when we got there early we ordered drinks. I never order from a bar's special drink list but I decided to try a Bleu Martini which was supposed to have Vodka, Vermouth, Olive Juice and a bleu cheese stuffed olives. Why I ordered it, I do not know. It arrived a muddy colored mess of swampwater in a glass. Was this really somebody's idea of special? I slugged it down and unlike my relationship with Diet Coke I felt better about myself AND worse at the same time. My mouth had the cheesy aftertaste of the cheese filled olive and there was no relief from the breadbasket because the spread they served was cheese as well. Luckily our dinner companions arrived and ordered Vodka Gimlets and Gin Martinis, I said, 'Me too'. A martini should be as clear as the glass it's in. Somebody write that down. Oh, and somebody tell the makers of soft drinks that they don't make us feel better about ourselves, that's the job of our therapists.

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A final note: Does it freak anyone else out that there are websites for each and every product on the face of the earth? Who goes to the Fanta (Fantana Island!?!) website to get "Early access to the New Fanta Ad!"? This is necessary to who's life? There's a game to play and slinky Fantana Girls to ogle while you consider the benefits of drinking Orange Fanta.

Oh and I should put in here somewhere that the Blue Side Grill 's food is fabulous and delicious and I forgive them for the muddy martini.

There I feel better about myself again.