The Worst News for New York

How can this be? New York City has been named the Politest City in the World by Reader's Digest. (See their July Issue. It's pathetic.) The frigging world. This is Guiliani's fault. He's running for President. Shut up, he is too. And he's trying to make out like we are a bunch of goobers. A man who once said the motto for New York should be "We can kick your city's ass." has now turned us into some kind of clones from Ohio.

We're the nicest. Fuggetaboutit.

God. I feel something akin to shame and anger. How dare the Reader's Digest smear us this way? How did they get this so wrong? What? Did a couple of tourists help out another couple of tourists while a Reader's Digest crew watched?
(Why does that sound wrong somehow?)

I know, I know. The signs have been everywhere. The other day some people said they were going out for Italian and I asked them whereto? They said (oh the shame, the utter shame) The Italian Garden. Not Beppos on 22nd (which is so hip they don't even have a website.) Not Vento's down on Hudson Street and 13th, not even Camille's. The frigging Italian- hey, why not stay home and have some Chef Boy-ar-Dee?? I said. They said "They loved his ravioli."

"They loved his ravioli."

Ah, things change, I know. Like nobody knows what two-bits is anymore. I ask people if they want the little keyring for an extra two-bits, they ask how much is it?

It's.....two......bits.

Used to be bagels were six bits for six, a buck and a half for a dozen, but a dozen had fourteen (don't ask). Now a bagel is six bits EACH without a schmear, but that's just me complaining which I will have to stop doing because New York is now the frigging Politeness Capitol of the frigging world.

I don't know if I can do it. Complaining is our best sport after Cutting In Line. Half the fun in the bagel line is waiting for the next customer to hesitate a half a second so you can yell your order and then you both complain to each other and the bagel guy, that NO, I was next!! It's family.

How can they ask us to stop Cutting in Line just so this guy can run for President?

It's a disaster for New York, I tell you, a disaster. Two years from now, you won't be able to tell you are even in New York. We'll be holding doors like in Tulsa, and the kids will be helping little old ladies across the street without snagging some of her groceries and we'll be smiling at each other as we pass on the sidewalk, saying "Howdy" and "Good Frigging Morning" and looking like eight million escapees from the methadone clinic around the corner. Damn you, Rudy.